[Scene: Pete's luncheonette. Jerry and George are sitting at a table.]
JERRY: Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. [talking about George's shirt] The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land, you look like you live with your mother.
GEORGE: Are you through? [kind of irritated]
JERRY: You do of course try on, when you buy?
GEORGE: Yes, it was purple, I liked it, I don't actually recall considering the buttons.
JERRY: Oh, you don't recall?
GEORGE: [pretends he's talking into a microphone] Uh, no, not at this time.
JERRY: Well, senator, I just like to know, what you knew and when you knew it. [a waitress approaches the table]
WAITRESS: Mister Seinfeld. [she pours coffee in his cup] Mister Costanza. [she wants to pour coffee, but George stops her]
GEORGE: Are, are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator?
WAITRESS: It's missing, I have to do it in my head: decaf left, regular right, decaf left, regular right...it's very challenging work. [ironically]
JERRY: Can you relax, it's a cup of coffee, Claire is a professional waitress.
WAITRESS: Trust me George: no one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine. [she pours the coffee and walks away]
GEORGE: How come you're not doin' the second show tomorrow?
JERRY: Well, there's this uh, woman might be comin' in.
GEORGE: Wait a second, wait a second, what coming in, what woman is coming in?
JERRY: I told you about Laura, the girl I met in Michigan?
GEORGE: No, you didn't!
JERRY: I thought I told you about it, yes, she teaches political science? I met her the night I did the show in Lansing...[looks in the milk can] There's no milk in here, what...
GEORGE: Wait wait wait, what is she, [takes the milk can from Jerry and puts it on the table] what is she like?
JERRY: Oh, she's really great. I mean, she's got like a real warmth about her and she's really bright and really pretty and uh...the conversation though, I mean, it was...talking with her is like talking with you, but, ya know, obviously much better.
GEORGE: [with a big smile] So, ya know, what, what happened?
JERRY: Oh, nothing happened, ya know, but is was great.
GEORGE: Oh, nothing happened, but it was...
JERRY: Yeah.
GEORGE: This is great!
JERRY: Yeah.
GEORGE: So, ya know, she calls and says she wants to go out with you tomorrow night? God bless! Devil you!
JERRY: Yeah, well...not exactly. I mean, she said, you know, she called this morning and said she had to come in for a seminar and maybe we'll get together.
GEORGE: [whistles disapproving] Ho ho ho, "Had to"? "Had to come in"?
JERRY: Yeah, but...
GEORGE: "Had to come in" and "maybe we'll get together"? "Had to" and "Maybe"?
JERRY: Yeah!
GEORGE: No...no...no, I hate to tell you this: you're not gonna see this woman.
JERRY: [indignant] What, are you serious...why, why did she call?
GEORGE: How do I know, maybe, ya know, maybe she wanted to be polite.
JERRY: To be polite? You are insane!
GEORGE: All right, all right, I didn't want to tell you this, you wanna know why she called you?
JERRY: Yes!
GEORGE: You're a back-up, you're a second-line, a just-in-case, a B-plan of contingency!
JERRY: Oh, I get it, this is about the button.
GEORGE: [The waitress(Claire) passes the table; George stops her and writes something on his note-block] Claire, Claire, you're a woman, right?
CLAIRE: What gave it away, George?
GEORGE: Uhm...I'd like to ask you...ask you to analyze a hypothetical phone call, ya know, from a female point of view.
JERRY: [to George] Oh, come on now, what are you asking her? Now, how is she gonna know?
GEORGE: [to Claire] Now, a woman calls me, all right? She says she has to [makes some gestures to accent "has to"] come to New York on business...
JERRY: Oh you are beautiful! [ironically]
GEORGE: and, and maybe [again some gestures] she'll see me when she gets there, does this woman intend to spend time with me?
CLAIRE: I'd have to say: uuhh, no. [George shows his note-block to Jerry, it says very largely: NO]
GEORGE: [to Claire] So why did she call?
CLAIRE: To be polite.
GEORGE: To be polite, I rest my case.
JERRY: Good. Did you have fun? You have no idea, what you're talking about, now, come on, come with me [stands up], I, I gotta go get my stuff out of the dryer anyway.
GEORGE: I'm not gonna watch you do laundry.
JERRY: Oh, come on, be a "come-with-guy".
GEORGE: Come on, I'm tired.
CLAIRE: [to Jerry] Don't worry, I gave him a little caffeine: he'll perk up.
GEORGE: [takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes; panics] Right, I knew I felt something...! [Jerry is laughing, Claire walks away with a smile]
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